Category Archives: Goal

Four years ago


It’s been a hard day, I have a big thing that will be coming up on Sunday. It will be four years that I took the stand to tell my side of the story on how a doctor hurt me.  I really thought I would be better then I am now. It’s been four very long and hard years to get myself to were I am. Yet, I feel like because who I am, I should be past feeling sorry for myself. The feelings have been all over the place today and I can just see myself on Sunday being feeling like I didn’t do all that I could do. I am hoping that it will be nice out because I would like to take a walk around a lake.

There is a part of me, that still blames me for not telling my story so that 12 people could take away the license from this  doctor. I know that I did my part to helping others for a year. However, what is he doing now. He has his license again and who is he hurting right now.

I have been working so hard In EMDR for the past years and it’s very hard to sit here and hear that I have come so far. I still have to keep telling myself to say thank you even when i don’t believe it. I really think that with out EMDR I would still be in the same spot were I was right after the trial. I know I still need to work on my self confidence. I think that will be one of the things that I’m going to work on this coming up year.

Oh yes, there is a bit more bad news in the world of me. One of my Doctors is going to be retiring, so that is just one more thing that I need to work on is finding a new doctor.

So now I need to end this post with something good. So with in this past four years I have made some great friends. I sill talk to some people that I have had to meet when the trial was going on. It’s nice to be able to tell them all the good things and all the bad things. I get to be me!!


just a little up date


As I have been working on so many things in my life I would love to tell you all that I will be starting to walk up and down the stares at the apt and at work. I did some cleaning this weekend and I think I have gotten all the things that I need to take here and there down to two bags and my lunch. So I should be able to go up and down the stares.

I think that I found out that I was even more out of shape this past week when I was at work. I only had to go up two or three flights of stares and I could not do it without feeling out of wind. So I am not doing the cart thing any more. It was just a way to let me use the elevators both at the apt and at home.

I am also going to start doing cleaning a bit more. I was talking to one of the doctors and she helped me to see that if I break it down I will be able to do it. She also said that it’s going to be one of the hardest things that I’m going to start. She even said that ones I get use to it I will just do it. However, it’s going to be the just doing it.

I’m getting out


You guys, I’m so happy I’m getting out of my brace!!! This is so cool. Last year at the end of Dec, I was told from other people who were not my doctors that, I would not be able to get out of my brace these people were people like the P T people that I had been working with for years. However, today I had to see the doctor and we were talking about things and it came up.   She looked at me walk and then she said to me that “I have never seen you walk that well Mary.” She looked at me and said it would be just a little bit longer and if I worked hard we could set a goal date to start getting out of this thing that is a brace.

I’m going to work so hard at this and then go back to those people and tell them look I’m doing something you said I was not going to be able to do.  To be able to do something like that would be the best thing and it’s something that I would love to do. It’s something that I have always wanted to do and be able to see there face. I have moved around so much that I have had people say just that. But, I have never been able to go back to them and say anything to them.

People don’t tell me what I can and can’t do. I can do anything I put my mind to. I have always been that kind of person that I need to believe in what I have to do. I need to truly believe in what I’m trying to prove. A lot of times I have to be in that kind of mood. I think that this year is going to be a year of changing on my part of life. It’s time to start living again. And the first thing I will do is get out of the brace.

So I don’t know what started a fire under me about the brace but I’m getting out of it in 2011

Last weekend up north


This weekend will be the last time I get up north for the summer. I can’t wait to get going. However, I am not driving it this time. It has been a long week and I don’t think that it would be good to drive it. So I’m getting a ride with my sis up there and then getting a ride back with family.

This past week has been very hard for me so getting out-of-town will be good. I will be back on monday and I will me in the line to get my new I touch. And my sis said that she would buy my old one if I don’t get anything for it. So that will be good.

Like I said it has been a very hard week this week and I felt like it was never going to end. Yes my friend and co-worker did come back. My boy friend and I did have our 9 years together. And it was his birthday all this week, well all of that happened in one day.

I had to miss one day of work this week. I was not happy about that thing. I feel like I can’t get back to 60 hours in two weeks. I think that is one thing I would love to do. I think that is on my wish list. I did get up to church on Wednesday this week. I just had to go. It was the first time I was going to be able to do it. Yet, in the back of my mind I kept thinking that I was not going to stay if the man was there. I had told the girls that I might not be able to stay but I was going to try. I felt like I could do this with the help of God and my friend/co-worker back. And you know I did it and much more, I stayed in church and did not have the fear of leaving.

I’m going to get some good end of the year pitchers and when I get home I will be posting them. I will also be doing autio boos this weekend

A Letter to the people that did not believe in me


Dear People that did not believe in me

Here I am, going on 33 years old.  I have to tell you that you were wrong. Every thing you said about me was wrong. I did so much more that you said I could not do because of my Cerebral Palsy.

Here let me remind you about what you said to me. you did not believe in me when I was little. As a little girl who was not up to par with what you thought was normal.  You said I would not be able to do more than just sit and do nothing. You said that I would not be able to walk or talk. Oh my were you wrong I found my feet and there was now stopping me from walking, swimming, marching band, driving and so much more. For the talking I was late but again I found my voice and you can’t stop me from talking about things.

Some of you I did not know until later on in my life. Some of them would be teachers, doctors, family and others. You are the people who said that I would not be able to get out of special Ed. Some of you also said I would not graduate from High school and go to College. Well I did that and I Got out of College with onres.  I can even remember that my own family said that college was out of my leeg. Sorry for the upset but even though you were not able to do it I was.

Oh yes let me tell you that those of you that thought I was going to be working at a dead-end job are so wrong. You are the people who said I was never going to be able to get a job that I would like. Some of you even said that I was not going to be able to get a job at all. I Can say that I have a job that I have worked very hard at and I’m coming up on 12 years. Oh and did I tell you it was at a bank.

So as I sit here and think of all the things that you said I was not going to be able to do. I would like to tell you that I have come a long way. I have had some harder times in the past 12 years of my life. Yet, I am doing everything I would like to do, Let me tell you some of them:

Blog, even with my spelling problem that some of you will never let me forget

podcasting, Something that I love to do and something that most of you would have never said I would be able to do

Holding down a Job, again me and a job think hard and long on this one

driving,  Yes I do drive every day

reading blogs,  what did I just say reading. Oh yes I read and write but I love to read others blogs

living on my own, oh my mary is living on her own. Yes I am and I love it.

being with a great guy for 9 years, If you try to think that I am using him to help me with my disability you are wrong. we have been living together for a bit now.

standing up for me, for those of you who have no clue because you said I was not going to be able to do anything I have to say I have done something bigger then what you or myself would have ever thought I would have to do. I was in a trial last year and this person took advantage of me and I called him out on it. So don’t think I can’t stand up for me.

I am all over the net and love it. This would be a part of mary reading? Yes like I said I get around.

Having faith, Don’t think that just because I am out of the family home I don’t have faith still. Because I do have faith something that my family has given me and I still believe in my faith.

All right, here is the point in this note that you all are going to say I told you so. Life has not been as good as I would like My health has taken a turn but I still work full-time. I spend most of the time that I am not at work in appointments for my health. Yet I am the one that makes them and gets myself to them. I don’t have mom or dad to help me with the everyday things like I  did when I was little. Both of them were very much in to having me be as independent as I could. I still see mom and dad as much as I can. But sometimes it’s hard and other times I don’t have it in me to drive 3 hours to go and see them.

But all in all I am doing all the things that you said I was not going to do. So next time you think about telling a girl that is having a hard day that she will not be able to do anything that you can do. Stop and think again what you are going to say.

So thank you for not believing in me when I was at a time of need and looking for some kind of help


Ps this is number 20 on my wish list. I can put this thought out of my mind now. I don’t have room for your thoughts anymore.

episode 156 farm ville things and no appointments


Good morning
bad hair day
Can’t see out my windows in my car

my life is the same
I am a very strange person. I will and can do.
weight and what I would like to do with it.
talk about
talk about
How do you eat?
PABL is a podcast from GSPN.TV
3000 steps Monday through Friday
1000 steps on the weekend
After work

I did a lot and not do anything at the same time
I am tired but it’s been a long day
I go to talk to my Internet fans
I’m thing about moving things around
talking about farm ville