To night I am thinking of all the things that I have to be thankful for. There are just so many to choose from. However, family is the top one on my list.
Family can be many things like the people who you were born to or the people toy grow up with. Family can be your loved ones or people you work with. As I look at my life today family is important to me because with out family I would not be the person I am today.
Today was a day of many up’s and down’s. Mom was set to have her pacemaker put in some time today. The doctor saw her last night and was going to work on her today. He was hoping to get her in this morning.
I went to work knowing that I was going to leave when Dad called me. At about noon today I went to church and left my phone on. Dad did not call until after work, I went right over to the hospital. My dad, grandma and my aunt Toni where there. Mom went in at about 2:45 pm and the doctor came out at about 8 pm by that time my sister had gotten there. When the doctor came out and had great news. They were able to put everything that they needed to get in her. “Aka one less surgery” We all went up to her room in the ICU. There was lots of tears, that were happy tears. A lot of stress was let go and it all come out in tears. The three of us left her after 9.
This past week I was going to be going up to the cabin for the first time. Well that is not what happened. I’m ok about not going up north but my family and I have had so much to take in this past week. My mom has been in ICU for about a week now. It’s been so hard for me and my sister but for my dad it’s been even harder to see him look like he has just lost a part of him. She is in the best care I know that and I know my family knows that. It’s just so hard to see her in a room and not be able to talk to any of us. She had to get her pacemaker out because something was wrong in the place where it was. She had an infection. Because of the infection they have not put anything back in side of her. (I really don’t know all the ins and outs of the pacemaker). She is making progress every day and getting better. It’s still hard to know that I can’t just pick up the phone and call her.
I am writing this post to just tell everyone how much I love my mom. How much it hurts to see her laying down in a bed and not be able to talk to us when we come in. I have said this on my face book page and I will say it again.
I believe in God. I know he has plans for me and my family. But I need my mom so much, so can you please, let her guide me still here on earth, for a long time.
So for a long time I have been trying to find time to jus sit and blog about what I have been thinking about. Every time I do sit down and blog something comes up and I forget to do it. My life has been up and down in the past months. I have wanted to stop just doing life and really I want to live life. I have come to this thought because having dinner with my sister really got me to thinking. I am not a young person any more. I am a person that is living in my 30’s. Some of the best times that I remember of my mom and dad when they where in there 30’s. I remember camping with my family in CA. Taking lunch on the weekend and going up to the mountain and eating and them playing with my sister. These are things that I find that I think of my parents when they had to be in there 3o’s, From what I remember my mom and dad had it all together. So why is it that all the people around me seen to have it together. 30 is when you are supposed to be doing things that you have been working on for ever. All the hard work that you put in at the beginning of your life is supposed to be paying off. Well that is not what is going on for me. I feel like I’m never going to get a better job and I don’t think I’m going to get any more like of money at my job. A house is so out of my hands and it will never happen.
Coming to this spot is a hard thing to understand. I don’t want to think I am a person that will never get all the things I think a 30-year-old person would have but looking at where I am and were I would like to be is a big change. There are some things that I can’t get around and I don’t even thing I can change in this life time,
But I can say that I am going to take the things that I do have control over like my money and move to a spot that I will not be in debt. This is something that is going to take time and I have to learn some big things about this. But I am going to work on it. I am Also going to be working on putting some money away so when I get older I will have money for that. I am hoping that I can get my credit card debt gone is 5 years. That would take me to me doing 41. So then I would have time to put as much money as can between 41 and 50. If I can start putting more than my $25 away each month I would be set. I am going to try to put $30.00
This past week there was a big shake up at work. This is the first time that I have had people who I work with get laid off. It was the hardest thing ever in my life. I know people get let go all the time. I have even had people I know get let go. I have seen with my on eyes whole departments move from one state to another. Yet last week was harder for me because one moment I am talking to people and the next moment they are being told they don’t have a job. I can tell you that it’s a very hard thing to take in. So that is why I would like to work on my budget and stick to it.
There is still so much more that I can talk about. But that will have to wait. .
How many times do you think of this statement when you were little ” I can’t what until I get older because . . .” So now I sit here and say can’t I go back to the beginning and start all over. I watch my oldest niece talk about how life is going to be so much better when. . . I know she is just going through her Teenage years of life. However it’s hard to know that I know were she is right now and then know how the other side of that statement goes. If I could go back to the time of life that I was in middle school I would. I look back and really that was my best time of growing up. It was some of the best times that I can remember. I was at the age that it was still ok to ride your bikes up and down the road and it was also time to learn how to give up the little kid things.
So to my oldest niece don’t worry about the little things in life just have fun right now, Don’t live for tomorrow and forget to live in today.
Today has become a great day, It just makes Monday even harder to like. I had time to eat with my sis, brother-in-law, and my boyfriend before my sis and I went to go see a movie. It was not that great but the music was very good. We went to go see Breaking Dawn 2. Like I said I didn’t like it that much but I can see how some people would like it a lot. I don’t get to spend time with my sis that much so it was nice to just talk.
Other then just hanging out with the boyfriend and helping him I really had a great Sunday. I wish I could have these kind of Sundays more often. I think it really helped that I got a lot of the laundry done during the week. I might be starting something know. Have a bad day will equal get things done. If it works then I will have to say thank you to my sis for this, However, it will have to happen more than one time.
I have been looking on-line at some dear and old friends. They all have kids and have family’s of their own. It got me to thinking about what was I doing 15 years ago. Lets see I would have been 20 years old. I was living with my parents still. We were living in Arizona at the time. I was going to college still. Life was good to me 15 years ago.
A lot has changed in 15 years. The whole family moved to a new state, a very cold state “Minnesota” Both Mom and Dad have been able to be with their family now that they are home. My sister and I have now really been able to see were all the family stories took place. I got done with my 2 year degree, it took 5 years to get but I was the first one to get it. I am not living at home anymore. I think that the parents moved right after I moved out. I have moved 2 more times. I am working at a bank. Something I have always wanted to do. I have made it through 13 years of winters in this state. I have been able to see my sister bring home the one and only nephew and I would not change that at all. I have 3 nieces to call me TIA. So the family of 4 now is a bigger family that I love very much. I have been able to do things that I thought I would not ever been able to do. Like drive myself to the cabin many times. I have been driving in to Minneapolis for 8 years now. I have a very loving and great boyfriend now. He has been a part of my life for a long time. I have also had to over come many things that has changed me in more ways than one. I think there are a few very big ones that will have altered my life for ever. Here are just a few;
The paxil thing will always be something that I will never forget
The life altering thing and the trial
Leaning how to deal with the Cerebral Palsy on my own
learning how to deal with my health problems
Learn how to let go of things I have no control over
Something that I am working on right now, knowing that even though I have a disability and have to ask for help from the state, I am still the same person that I was before I asked.
Lets go back again to 15 or even 20 year I was in High School in Flagstaff Az. I loved every moment of High School life. Band was everything to me and my friends. I have so much that I was doing in those 4 years of my life. Everything from walking to and from school to having my own car. Playing my instrument to going to church things. I had so much fun with friends from school to meeting people from all over the state. I really think my life was all about church and playing my instrument. I would not have changed anything.
So what were you doing 15 years ago???