Category Archives: boy friend

think back 15 year

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I have been looking on-line at some dear and old friends. They all have kids and have family’s of their own. It got me to thinking about what was I doing 15 years ago. Lets see I would have been 20 years old. I was living with my parents still. We were living in Arizona at the time. I was going to college still. Life was good to me 15 years ago.

A lot has changed in 15 years. The whole family moved to a new state, a very cold state “Minnesota”  Both Mom and Dad have been able to be with their family now that they are home. My sister and I have now really been able to see were all the family stories took place. I got done with my 2 year degree, it took 5 years to get but I was the first one to get it.  I am not living at home anymore. I think that the parents moved right after I moved out. I have moved 2 more times. I am working at a bank. Something I have always wanted to do. I have made it through 13 years of winters in this state. I have been able to see my sister bring home the one and only nephew and I would not change that at all. I have 3 nieces to call me TIA. So the family of 4 now is a bigger family that I love very much. I have been able to do things that I thought I would not ever been able to do. Like drive myself to the cabin many times. I have been driving in to Minneapolis  for 8 years now. I have a very loving and great boyfriend now. He has been a part of my life for a long time. I have also had to over come many things that has changed me in more ways than one. I think there are a few very big ones that will have altered my life for ever. Here are just a few;

The paxil thing will always be something that I will never forget

The life altering thing and the trial

Leaning how to deal with the Cerebral Palsy on my own

learning how to deal with my health problems

Learn how to let go of things I have no control  over

AND

Something that I am working on right now, knowing that even though I have a disability and have to ask for help from the state, I am still the same person that I was before I asked.

Lets go back again to 15 or even 20 year I was in High School in Flagstaff Az. I loved every moment of High School life. Band was everything to me and my friends. I have so much that I was doing in those 4 years of my life. Everything from walking to and from school to having my own car. Playing my instrument to going to church things. I had so much fun with friends from school to meeting people from all over the state. I really think my life was all about church and playing my instrument. I would not have changed anything.

So what were you doing 15 years ago???

Believing in myself

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I forget how much I need to just believe in me. As life happens around me, some times I feel like I am one step behind. Yet, really I am just letting life go and I’m not trying to grab on to life.

I think that I have let my mind say to myself that because of my. . . It’s ok for it to take over me. This is not the Mary that I would like others to know any more. I am a strong person in side and out. I have things and ideas that are fun and out going. No one knows of them because I have not said or acted on them.  It’s time to start acting on them. It’s time for me to be out going and yes it’s time for the old Mary to come back. It’s time for me to stop feeling sorry for myself, and start feeling like I can do anything I want.

I think that yes I have had to go through the time of not believing in myself. I had to learn things that only other people could show me and teach me. Being a person that can see that and now understand it, is a great thing. But now it’s time to take back my life. So the first thing is to not feel sorry for myself. Then I think it is going to be not to plan for everything. There is just so much more happening around me. And I miss out because I am planning out things. The other thing is to keep work, doctors and personal life as just that, not mixing them up.

I think that through all of this time of not believing in myself my faith has gotten a lot more important to me. As I look back to where I have been I really did not understand why God would let something so bad happen to me. So I never left my faith, I just questioned it. I have now found my own church that I can say was not my family church. I love the church that I am going to right now. I do go to church on my lunch when I’m working. I still can’t get myself up to the point of going on Sunday.  However, God did not tell us what day we need to go to church. So going at lunch time is a great thing for me. This was the first year that I feel like God was calling me to the church on Holy Thursday and Good Friday. I also think he was calling me to show my co-worker my faith. I’m not a person that will go out and try to make someone believe in my faith. Yet, I think God was asking me to talk to my co-worker and explain to her why I believe the things that I do. I also feel like he wanted me to hear what I was saying to her. It was a sign from God to Believe in myself for what and how I tell my co-worker the stories from the Bible, or the ones that I remember.

I just need to remember that I am a “Soukup” and we don’t let life keep us down for ever. Oh yes life can get us down and some times out for a bit, but we get back up. So thank you, to my family for making me who I am today. I am still a strong person. I have a temper like my Dad, if I put my mind on something I will do it, just like dad. I have the need to love and take care of  others like my Mom. I have the money mind like my sister.  I have so much love for my nephew and nieces.  I can not forget the Boy friend and his love for me and my love for him.

Have you ever had this happen

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Have you ever been a sleep, and then your head is up but your body is still a sleep? I know there are people out there that have had this feeling before. Some one told me it was like they were died, or it felt like they were died.

I bring this up because I had a hard night as I have said before but I was in bed and I know the boy friend got up. I talked to him about what happened last night. My whole body was a sleep and I really wanted my body to stay a sleep. I know that I needed the body to get as much rest as I could give it. However, I could talk to the boy friend about how I took my meds. It was kind of strange because he could understand me. This would be the first time that he could understand me.

a quick note

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Hi all,, just a quick note to tell you that I am doing good today. As my Boy friend would say how is your foot when it’s not that I just fell and I hurt my ankle. It’s not bad or anything but it is hard to walk. I took my dad’s saying a”if you can put weight on it you did not break it.”  It hurts but I can walk on it. I am feeling fine in all other ways. I didn’t do anything really this past weekend so some time I am going to have to do the things that I didn’t do this past weekend. Well I’m going to bed and try and sleep again.

Oh yes. I am going to write a post about my e-mail friend very soon

I’m going back to “normal”

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I have to say that I’m going to be back to “normal” for me at least. Next week I will be able to get to the pool again. I know this is what my body needs for the change of the weather. So it will be so good, to get back to just being one with my self.

I would like to take time and tell you and myself all the good things that I have been doing. So are small things and some are big things.

1 I went to a new doctor this past friday.

2 I’m learning more and more about BIC

3 I can stil stand up for my self when people talk badly about my family

4 I have been able to keep all appointments for the last month

5 I started to go to a group that.

6 I went out to dinner with them after group

7 I have been working hard to get to work more and more

8 I have been still going to church down town

9 I am blogging again.

10 I have been able to keep going when there is change around me

So I could keep going, on about what I have been doing. It just has been time to look back and see what I have been doing good at. I know I am a person that likes to look at the bad things but really with out bad things then there is no good things.

So you might be thinking what is normal for Mary? Well really it’s more like doing the things that I know I need to do for me. Yes I understand that all the things that I do are important to my health but I have not been to the pool in a very long time. I hope that they are still around.

Other things that make my life normal is that I don’t feel like I’m making waves. This is a hard thing for me. I’m working on it, I have found that I am not showing how hard things are going but when I can’t take it anymore, you don’t want to be on the other side of me. I just let it all out, and you might not have even done anything wrong.

The best thing of normal I will never get back and I’m learning that. If I could go back in time it would have been to the year 1998. It was the year that my family moved for the last time as a family of 4. My life was so much different then it is now. Yes there would have been no great Boy friend or going up to the cabin or any bank job.

This is the hard thing and it would have been do you go back to that time when life was so good or do you go to today when so much has changed. A doctor who hurt me in so many ways. Having a reaction to a drug that was so bad that life was stopped and taken away from me. Having to see so many doctors. Learning that my disability is much bigger then I thought it was going to be.

So there are days that normal is easy to define but there are days were normal is very hard to define. This is problely the same thing that everyone goes through in their life.

so very much to say and just not the time

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Ok here we go, sit down and get something good to eat and start reading. I have a lot to say and not much time. My life is much the same as it was last week however, I didn’t have as many appointments. I don’t think I like that, why you might ask well, I just come home and sleep. Yes for the past week I think I have gotten more sleep them ever. My body is so used to going all the time that when I get home I don’t have time to eat and view TV and do all the things that a person that is going to college gets to do. I am coming home most time after appointments and have a few mints to farm my farm ville, say Hi to my loving boyfriend, and then go to bed. It’s just the way my life is. Well for some very strange reason something that I am not saying is bad all that much, this week I had one appointment.

I really did not know what to do with my self, Really. I tried to do some of the same things that I would have done after the appointments but I was still getting home at a time that was over well-meaning early for me.

I have to also say that my I touch can play MOVIES AND TV SHOWS. This is not good I can view girly show again and the b friend can just not know that I’m doing it again. I love  those kind of shows. One you can have a bad day and start watching something like that and then if people see you crying you can just say it’s the show. I’m fine, even if you are not. The best cover up ever.

I also have some great friends, I don’t know if I have really had the time to talk about how my friends are the best. You know when you move to a new job or a new place to live and you always say call me, or e-mail me and it never happens. Well I have always been blessed with some very great friends through out my life. People that I have known my whole life. Others who I have known for more than half my life, and then there are the people who you just meet and know you are going to be great friends. Well as I have said in the past I have two co-workers that are so good to me. I love them so very much. I would do anything for them. I am able to talk to them and I’m able to listen to them. I know what they are saying is something coming from the heart. So when I was talking to one of them one day I was just saying how much my error’s have been going up. How much I was getting down on me. And if she could help me find a way to help me. You know what she said to me. Mary as your co-worker and friend this is what I think you should do.. . I have taken into account of what she had said to me and even though my time is going down I don’t see as many errors in my work. So thank you to that one co-worker.

It’s still very cold out but I have been able to make some very good strides in getting out of my brace. I just need to keep going on it. Soon I will be out and I will be bloging all about it. I can’t wait until the day that I can come here and say again I’m out of the brace. Life will be so good. The other thing is that if I can get my movies from DVD to my I Touch I will be even more happy. I am using Handbrake that a person had said they use. I think this person is a very good person and that would not lead me a stray.

So I think that is kind of what has been on my mind for the past few days. I know I have not been here as much as I would like to. I also have not done somthing that I said I was going to do. A pitcher a day. I just have not been into it lately. I think that S.A.D is starting to set in. People up here where we don’t get any sun get this some times. And if you know you get it there is more power to you. It’s those people that don’t know they have it. It’s hard to say that you have it because you don’t want to look like you are not perfect. Well I have to say I’m not perfect and that word is not in the words that I can use.

Winter is here

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This weekend winter came. I got up to a very big snow storm on Saturday. I was very much not happy about this because you all know how much I don’t like to be in the cold. well it’s here now. I will try to not talk about how much I don’t like it this year, Well I will try. I did like it when I was in side and it was out side failing. Last night the boyfriend and I went out for dinner and it was not as bad as I thought it was going to be. Monday morning will be the test for all the drivers. I know that I have not been out yet because my thought of it all, is I will let all the other people get used to driving in it. Then I will take my turn and start driving in it. I did get some good pitchers of the snow. 

Here are some other ones that I took

I believe that this last one is the one that I took a 3 pm.

Yes look at all the snow was from one day. It did not stop really all day long. Time to get out the winter clothes.