Four years ago

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It’s been a hard day, I have a big thing that will be coming up on Sunday. It will be four years that I took the stand to tell my side of the story on how a doctor hurt me.  I really thought I would be better then I am now. It’s been four very long and hard years to get myself to were I am. Yet, I feel like because who I am, I should be past feeling sorry for myself. The feelings have been all over the place today and I can just see myself on Sunday being feeling like I didn’t do all that I could do. I am hoping that it will be nice out because I would like to take a walk around a lake.

There is a part of me, that still blames me for not telling my story so that 12 people could take away the license from this  doctor. I know that I did my part to helping others for a year. However, what is he doing now. He has his license again and who is he hurting right now.

I have been working so hard In EMDR for the past years and it’s very hard to sit here and hear that I have come so far. I still have to keep telling myself to say thank you even when i don’t believe it. I really think that with out EMDR I would still be in the same spot were I was right after the trial. I know I still need to work on my self confidence. I think that will be one of the things that I’m going to work on this coming up year.

Oh yes, there is a bit more bad news in the world of me. One of my Doctors is going to be retiring, so that is just one more thing that I need to work on is finding a new doctor.

So now I need to end this post with something good. So with in this past four years I have made some great friends. I sill talk to some people that I have had to meet when the trial was going on. It’s nice to be able to tell them all the good things and all the bad things. I get to be me!!

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