I feel so bad to have left my dear friends that read my little blog. I just needed to take some time off for me. Now, I’m back and I am able to write a bit more.
Two very big dates happened during the time that I was gone and I would like to take the time to write a bit about them. So here we go, May 26th was the first day that I would like to write a bit about. It has been three years now that I had the trial. It has been a very big thing in my life, as most of you know. It has been a long time of waiting for this day, why I really don’t know. I can say that I was not in town on that day I was up at the lake place. I was spending time with my parents before they left again. It was a long weekend for me. I got to see the new add-on to the house that everyone had been talking about. This was to the house and not the cabin. But the house had gotten a new face lift. So I got to spend time with family.
To this day I can still remember they day that my mom had to come in to my apt and tell me the very bad news. This year I was up late that night, I couldn’t sleep for some reason so I went into the cabin and my mom was up reading things on her I Pad. I asked if she was going to be going to bed soon. She said know and so I took myself and my I pad and was playing with the photos that I had taken during the day. It was about 10:30 at night and I said to mom. Hey Mom it’s been one more year that I have gotten through. I don’t know if she remembers what I was talking about but I told her that May 26th 2009 was a very hard day and look I am one more year away from it. She looked at me and said yes it’s been one more year. So looking back on it. I think it was a great Mom and me moment.
The next day that was just as hard was June 11. This day was hard because I said NO MORE. It was June 11 2008 that I stopped the doctor from hurting me. It took me 2 years to put the many things together but when I did, I stopped it. I think and believe that I did this for me, I stopped it for me. Yet, it is a hard day to get my mind around. I don’t like it, I have not been able to get my mind to stop the hurt, and blaming of it was me. It is still the PTSD that I’m trying so hard to get over. No one knows what it’s like. No one knows how much he hurt me. No one knows because they are not me. I take it day by day some times. Other days I can look at the next day and be just fine with myself. Yet, it just hurts when I get near that date.
So what I think I am saying is that I needed this time away. But like I have said to you all is that I am back. My blog might be taking a new look. I’m still Mary from Minnesota, and this is still the way I look at the word. But it will be in a different light that I talk about. Don’t worry there will still be moments that I might put a written post up like this. It will not be as often as they have been in the past. Really I just don’t know what will come out on this blog of mine.