I forget how much I need to just believe in me. As life happens around me, some times I feel like I am one step behind. Yet, really I am just letting life go and I’m not trying to grab on to life.
I think that I have let my mind say to myself that because of my. . . It’s ok for it to take over me. This is not the Mary that I would like others to know any more. I am a strong person in side and out. I have things and ideas that are fun and out going. No one knows of them because I have not said or acted on them. It’s time to start acting on them. It’s time for me to be out going and yes it’s time for the old Mary to come back. It’s time for me to stop feeling sorry for myself, and start feeling like I can do anything I want.
I think that yes I have had to go through the time of not believing in myself. I had to learn things that only other people could show me and teach me. Being a person that can see that and now understand it, is a great thing. But now it’s time to take back my life. So the first thing is to not feel sorry for myself. Then I think it is going to be not to plan for everything. There is just so much more happening around me. And I miss out because I am planning out things. The other thing is to keep work, doctors and personal life as just that, not mixing them up.
I think that through all of this time of not believing in myself my faith has gotten a lot more important to me. As I look back to where I have been I really did not understand why God would let something so bad happen to me. So I never left my faith, I just questioned it. I have now found my own church that I can say was not my family church. I love the church that I am going to right now. I do go to church on my lunch when I’m working. I still can’t get myself up to the point of going on Sunday. However, God did not tell us what day we need to go to church. So going at lunch time is a great thing for me. This was the first year that I feel like God was calling me to the church on Holy Thursday and Good Friday. I also think he was calling me to show my co-worker my faith. I’m not a person that will go out and try to make someone believe in my faith. Yet, I think God was asking me to talk to my co-worker and explain to her why I believe the things that I do. I also feel like he wanted me to hear what I was saying to her. It was a sign from God to Believe in myself for what and how I tell my co-worker the stories from the Bible, or the ones that I remember.
I just need to remember that I am a “Soukup” and we don’t let life keep us down for ever. Oh yes life can get us down and some times out for a bit, but we get back up. So thank you, to my family for making me who I am today. I am still a strong person. I have a temper like my Dad, if I put my mind on something I will do it, just like dad. I have the need to love and take care of others like my Mom. I have the money mind like my sister. I have so much love for my nephew and nieces. I can not forget the Boy friend and his love for me and my love for him.