Not a day that I would like to live over.

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Today I have been having a hard time with the PTSD. It’s been two days of this. However, today the body just said no more. And we all know what  happens when my body don’t what to do something, it doesn’t move like it should, so here I am at home. Trying not to blame myself about what happened over two years ago. The more I think about it the more I get mad at myself for what happened to me. The bigger thing is that now that I am kind of moving I wish I just pushed my body to go to work.

There are days that I feel like I’m just giving into the hurt and the pain. That is not me, that is something that my family did not teach me. My parents showed there two girls that you just work through the hurt and the pain. So am I letting my family down by giving into the PTSD.

Letting my family see that I am fighting it as much as I can is the best feeling. Working so hard to make these people know that I love them is something.

My parents are some of the people who I still look up to. I wish I could do more for them. because they have done so much for me.

I work hard on my problems because I have people who look up to me. These are the next people who will be walking in the foot steps of us. I would like them to know that I have tried so very hard to work hard to get past the PTSD.

And really this is what I work so hard for. My nephew, dad my sis and my loving and dear Mom.

Some days that is all that I can think about when things get hard. However the last two days have been just unbearable. So how do I move past this pain that has been put on me? I’m sorry I just don’t know what to say to make it better.

So now you know why this is a day that I would not like to live over.

 

PS:  I had to write this with tears in my eyes because it’s just been a day that I have not been able to control.

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