Ok I have been talking about me writing a blog about getting up to the cabin for a bit now, and now I have time to do just that. write a really blog post about my time away.
I believe that the time that I get to go up there is always a good thing. I get to be in MN and still be away from the city. I get to be with my family. If you have not seen that my family is so very important to me. With out my mom dad and sis I would not be the person that I am. Now that we have a bigger family with all the nieces and nephew it can get to be a very big thing. So being around them is just so much home for me.
I got up there around 8 pm on Tuesday and I was out of it. I just really needed a bed to sleep in. Yet, there is always a story to go with me getting up there. You see I have a hard time taking the same way up to the cabin the say way ever time I go up. So mom, dad and myself had a good laughs about me. Then I had to get to bed. Next day I just wanted to hang. This trip was for me and it was a way for me to get away from all the bad memory’s from two, three years ago. I am still working on that whole thing and trying very hard to just be me again. ( if you need some info go to anything that has Life altering or trial. ) it’s all there and if you don’t get it just ask I can tell you bits about it.
I had known plans for the day or the time I was up there. I will do my shopping in July when I get past all of this stuff. Oh did I tell you that it was cold and buggy and I had to have long pants on. No swimming for me. I would love to have the time to swim but it was just two cold.
Here is another little thing that I know about my family and being able to know that it is summer time. My cousins daughter running in her swimming suit up the hill. That is the first of summer for me.
I think she only got in the lake one time. It was just to cold for her that is a lot for this kid not to be in the lake. Yet, before they got up there I had time to do a lot of thinking about life and looking back at what I have been doing for the past year. I have been able to see that I have grown from the very bad thing that I had to undergo. I still have a very long ways to get through.
Life is hard but life can always be harder. I try to remind my self of that. I would love to say that every thing is better but it’s just not going to be that way. I think that when I have the strength to write a note to him I will have come a long, long, long way. Until that time he is still in my mind and he is still on my thoughts. I still blame me for what happened.
Some one asked me if I have ever gotten mad at this doctor? You know I have not yet. I have been mad at other people around him but never have I gotten mad at him. So I’m still working on that point of the whole thing of post traumatic stress, or just grieving I’m not sure what it would fall under. So you can pick which one would be good.
On May 26th I went out on the dock and sat for a bit and just me and God were there. I did talk to him, I asked him why am I not over this. I also asked why I would still be hurting about this thing. I’m still waiting for some kind of answer on these things. So God if you can help show me why, I would love to know.
Over the weekend my loving Boyfriend came up and spent the night with me. He got to see the cabin for the first time. He also brought food for the people who were going to be up the next day. So the boyfriend and I had a nice time together. The next day I was going to have to get ready for ALL the people who were coming up. I got up and moved my body in to the cabin and my mom said that they had left at 7 am. So for 3 1/2 hours I had to move things around. and get beds up and just get ready for all the kids. At about noon mom said that they were in a town just about 15 mins away. The loving Boy friend helped with beds and he stayed until they got there. The Boy friend stayed for the morning and into the afternoon. He did leave. And then I was with the kids and family.
I don’t know how my sis does it but she has it almost down to a tee. We all had a good time and the kids did also. People were all over the place and it was so good to see my dad just so happy to see everyone. It was three days with the kids. However, they had to go back sooner than later. Then my cousins also had to leave at the same day. So the next day it was mom and me all day long. doing the things that we were going to be doing. I then came home on Wednesday and went back to work the next day.
So in all I had a good time up at the cabin, sorry to say I didn’t get a tan this time.