My mind has been all over the place and I have been trying to tell and show people how my mind is working. I went back in time to find a post that I did a bit ago. so here is a re post of The word is Red.
Before I start this post I would like you to remember red. Now try to read this post and keep thinking of red. Don’t put it in the back of your mind, say it out “red” say it again “red” keep saying it and read this post. “red”
I have been thinking about this. What would an able body person think of what I do in a week? Would they be able to keep up?(what is that word “red”) Would they understand what I go through on a moment to moment base. (what is that word “red” you got it.) Could they understand that they don’t live in today. They have to live in tomorrow. “red” However they need to function in today. Could they paint the pitcher that every thing is good when it’s not good? When the pain is just to much. Or, if there body did not want to go on any more for the day, however there were still things to get done. Would they be able to understand that things don’t happen over night, that there is always planning going on. (what is the word “red” that is it)
Even when they would think that there is nothing more to be thinking about. (what is the word?) Something comes up and then they have to think about it all day and night. Because it’s the only way they know how. Could they live in a body that ends up having the last word.
What would it be like to see an able body person live my life for just one week. (the word) I don’t think it would be that much fun to live in anyone else body. Yet I get very mad and upset when people look at me and think I can’t do anything right (the word) because of my disability. (what was that word)
Ok what was I trying to get to through out this post? The word “red” is just like what I am doing ever day. The thoughts that I think of all day long. The pain that I might have if I didn’t get the sleep I needed the night before. It could be the shaking that just happened and I feel like I should have this under control after years of this. It’s the C P coming out when I don’t want it to. It is a constant thing in my life that doesn’t go away, it will never go away.
Could you live with it? Some people say yes I can and I do. To that I say welcome to the group. To those of you that say Yes I can and then get mad at the end of an hour or day or even a week. This is what I live with. I’m still learning how to live with. I’m not saying this to be a bitch or anything like that I’m just trying to get some one to see that life like mine is not as great as I some times let on. My body has a big part of what I can and can’t do in a day. So even though life is always changing. I have to keep in mind what the body is going to say in the morning. So keeping the body happy will keep me going and happy.
So as you can see that I am having a hard time making the body and mind work together. The weather is not working in my favor. The pain is always there, and there is not a thing that I can do. Oh yes, I do my stretching and my strangth but it still hurts in the morning.
So I just think I needed to put this one out again. Spoons and prayers are alwys nice. The other thing that I would love to be able to do is just have a day that I don’t have to think two weeks out. And, not have today or the next day all mest up.