I am writing this post to try to work out something. I love my boyfriend so much but I just don’t see him ever asking me to married him. I know that we make a great team together, or I try to make us a great team together but what would my family think of me? Would I be letting them down if I didn’t have a big wedding? On the other hand it’s my life. There is a big thing also that I have is that I don’t want to look like I am just living off of my boy friend because I have a disability. I don’t know why that is playing a fact in this but it is. I have to look at my life very different then I did ten years ago. I am not the same person. I can’t do some of the things that I would have loved to do. I don’t know if I have given up on myself or what but I know that I am not the same person any more. Before I can add a person into my life for ever I need to find the Mary that I am happy with. I need to find the person that can do anything on her own again. I need to find the person that likes the life with a face of happy. I need to find the person that is Ok in her own skin.
So This post is for me. It’s for me to tell people who I love. That I need to first find that I love myself and I would love to get married one day but if I don’t will I be looked down on. Kind of like the blak sheep?