Just a thought

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Here is just some thoughts that I have been thingking of. Why did I get born? I don’t even know who my birth mom is? I don’t even want to know who she is, why? I can’t speeck the same as her. I should be happy for her because she is the one that started my road that I am on.  On the other hand why did my adopted mom and dad pick me? I have seen my pitcher that they saw of me. I was not even that cute. Why have the things in my life been the0 way that they have? I didn’t ask for it and I know my family did not ask for all of my problems that I had and have? Why can’t I dream like other people any more? I had big dreams for myself but I have just been in a place were I don’t want to think passed next week, why? I don’t have a 5 year plan for myself and at one time I did. A lot of my friends have gone to school and gotten more than just a two-year degree. Even my friends little sisters have gone own to get there doctorates. What stopped me? What happen to me???

I think the only thing that I can say to all of this is PAXIL  the year 2000 to 2001.  I feel that was the time that things changed. No one who knows me now has no clue what I was like before that time. So much changed between then and now.

I feel some times that I was ready for life and then when this happened to me I was not ready for life but the people around me were still ready for me to take life and go. Hey I didn’t know what I was doing then. I just know that life was not fun.

Like I said it’s just a thought that I have been trying to understand. I have been thinking of this and praying about this. I am a person that just has these thoughts every now and again.

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