Just trying to get through this tiem

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Hi all. I would like to say that right now I am just trying to get through this time of the year. Yes I am saying this is the first’s for the trial time.  I did not think that this was going to be as hard as it is. I thought I was over it but I am not. Every  moment of the day right now I am thinking of him. How much he hurt me and if he did hurt other people.

I am trying not to let him in to my mind all the time. Everyone that I have talked to has said just that. Some of the things that they have said is to try to think of other things. It’s just so hard and with not very many spoons this week, it’s been kind of hard for me. My spoons right now are so important to me at this time. I don’t want to give them to him at all. Yet, there are just so many things I would have loved to ask him. Like “Why can’t we all be adults” It’s something that I would love to just ask.

And even now I would like to ask people who think I should be over him. “Why do you ask this? Have you ever had to deal with this? If you ever have to go through it, then come to me after you have been through what I have been  through.” Or I might like to say go and read Life right now 4*29*10. Life can be good but some days are Hell.

If anything I would just like this part of the month to be over. Please can I just not have this time any more. Can I please just go hide. Can I not have to go through this time. Spoons or not I would like to just not deal right now. I’m not dealing. I know I’m going to say something that is not right. So Like in this video  I just need to be left all own.

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2 responses »

  1. The good news? You made it through the trial. And you made it through the following year. He did not physically take your life away. You have many blessings to celebrate today because you made it through the trial a year ago. You did not give him those spoons.

    I love you. 🙂 You’re in my prayers, dear.

  2. Some times I just need to hear that I did it. And that I am stronger them I give myself. Some times it’s me just not able to see that I am strong like everyone says. So thank you for believing in me.

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