I don’t even know were to start on this one


Where do you start on this day. Today is a hard day for me and the b-friend and his family. This is one year that his dad passed away from all of us. It’s been something that has been on my mind all day. so I was going to go to church and just think and pray about it. Hoping that my prayer would come out right. Ok that is what I was going to do at lunch.

Well that is not what happened. My boss came up to all of us and said that “we” were going to be meeting on the 12th floor at noon for a short meeting. I said Ok but thought to myself there goes church.

Noon came and my two co-workers and I went down to the 12th floor. we had to wait for the others to get there. The boss man said that he had two things to tell us.

One  We were going to be losing one person and that he was going to be finding some one different for that spot. (I’m thinking no big deal)

Two The RDI dep was going to be leaving the 17th floor (that is where I work) I was thinking to my self what, why, what did he said I was not going to have a job. Then I hear “the RDI dep is going down to the basement.”  I hear this and I think Ok I’m still going to have a job. I’m going where? When, what is going on. My boss did not know when this was going to happen but it was going to happen. SOON!!

I did ok in this meeting but just lost it at the end of the day when I talked to the work coach. She did not get anything I was saying. I needed to here that it was Ok. I needed to hear that if I was going to post out of my job that we would work on that. I needed to hear that yes it was going to be hard but we would do it together. I need to hear that I was going to get through it. I needed to just hear a calming voice. That is not what I got. I got a very mean person that did not hear me. She said that I was lucky that I still had a job. I got that I worried too much. I got stay in the moment. All things that people have said to me in the past but things I did not want to hear. I NEED MY OTHER WORK COACH’S!!!!!!!!!! This one is not working out at all.

Then at my appointment today I find out that my P T person is leaving.

OK, God if you are out there. I’m not leaving my home all night. If it’s a sign I get it. You always have to give me three things to worry about. I get it you do  not want me to go to the CMNC. I will not go if that is your plan. Just please will you stop with the bad news and come up with something good for me. Remeber that I’m only in my 30’s with a body that feels like it’s in it’s 70’s. Oh I get it, you would like me to start doing more with my life? You would like me to try and find something to do? I don’t get it. Grrrrrrrrrrrrr

So that is what is going on right now in my mind and body.


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