What do you think of when you hear the word trust? What is the first thing you think of? Is there a person that you think of? Have you ever had your trust broken?
I think I ask these questions because I was a person that could trust anyone. Yet, now I can’t trust as much. I have a fear to trust. There are just a few people in this world that I would trust my life on. There are people that I trust with what I have to say. I wish I could do something different. I wish it would not be this way. Trust is just been on my mind for a long time.
Today I went and sat in a shop and really thought about trust. I feel like I trust to many people. I feel that I have been burned with my trust. I know people come and go in peoples life’s. But this is just very hard. I feel like the whole world is starting to come a part and there is no way to stop it. I feel like I can’t be me.
Now, just wait I can hear you all. Just listen to me please. People have always said to me that I am a person that is a black and white thinker. I will not given that up. I will not say that I’m not. However, I was starting to look at the gray part of life. I was walking around the gray part of life. Yet, for me to do that I had to trust someone with everything I had, there was no going back. And really I think the 1st work coach did a lot for setting up the ground work. But it was the next one that I started to really look at the gray. Man if she could stay around all through 2009. She was a person that I could trust.
This year was going to be the best. I was going to go to the gray part of my life. I was going to look at all the parts that I have tried to put away. I was going to go deep down and get all the hurt out and look at it and deal with my life. I was going to have her and DBT. Well I started with that. When I came home I went to DBT and started to talk about the paxil and what I don’t know what. and the things that I do remember. Taking out the paxil was a big no, no. I can’t put it back down and I can’t get it out of my mind. I think that is why I am shaking again. If I had to say something about the shaking now. It is hands down talking about the paxil. Now I don’t know what to do because I don’t have number two here to help me. I have a person that dosn’t know me. She is asking things like is this the C P. I don’t know. No one knows why I shake. So how do you get some one that you don’t trust yet and trust them and get them up to date with all your life.
Note any where I used DBT I meant EMDR