trying to understand what I’m doing

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To day I can say that i have been working very hard to keep the good feeling about my self when I was in A Z. It was so much fun. I have been back to work now and it’s been Ok. it’s hard but it’s a job. I think after this appointment that I had today. It’s going to be a year of getting to understanding myself. It will be not the pour old Mary. I am going to deal with the little girl in side me. If you have been around my blog you will know all about “Meme” Well I still have to deal with her as a very mad person. I think that she is going to be a big part of trying to find the fun and happy “Mary”

I know I have tryed to deal with her in the past but today I was talking about the paxil part of my life. It was a thing of me talking in first person and not talking about her in the third person. So that was hard but I know that if I’m going to get over things that happened after the drug reaction. I’m going to have to let myself feel those things, again. It’s a place that I don’t like to go. I have gotten to the point were a lot of people don’t want to hear it anymore. So I have learned how to push it down and not deal with it. But, she would like to know it all. Like I said it’s hard to let myself go there. It’s hard to bring it up and then some how put it back down when an hour is up.
That Drug did some big things to my whole body and I could see it when I got home from A Z. I would not have ever been able to do the whole marching band thing. I would have never been able to do some of the things that I did in High school. If you think my weeks are bizy now. You should have seen what I was doing in High school. There was something always going on between band or church.
So life might be a bit harder then I would like this year. We will have to see what happens.
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