first Holiday’s on my own

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This year will be the first Holiday on my own. Last night the b-friend and I were just sitting and it just hit me, like you would not believe. The first year that I am not with mom dad and my sister for any of the holidays. I’m in my 30’s and I sat in the living room and just cryed and cryed about this one thing. I can see me not being around for one or the other one but “both” That is just to much. With the week that I just had and my boss man just getting under my skin as I was walking out the door, it was the last thing. For me to get that was just about the hardest thing ever. What to do with what I have?

It’s not going to be that fun. The b-friend is going to have a hard time with it also. It will be the first year that his dad will not be with us. So it’s going to be very hard on that frunt. I might want to work. I don’t know if the time off is going to help or not.
There are some very strong things that my family did when we were little but right now there is nothing I’m doing for the Holiday’s. I don’t care. I don’t have the money for it. Who cares that Christ came on Christmas. We are just going to put him out to dry at Easter time.
What a nice life that I have right now. I don’t make the money that I would like. I feel very lost but if I say something it will be like Mary stop looking at your self and start looking at what the b-friend is doing. Nothing is right and no one can change it. So God if you are up there looking down at me
You win
I give up
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4 responses »

  1. Things can always be better but they can be worse also. Noone's life is perfect but I know yours is in turmoil and pray for you every day. Trust that God is truly with you. Know that Christ is Love and where there is Love there is peace.

  2. SuekhThank you so much for your comment. thank you also for reading my little blog that I love. Todays post was something that I had to just get out. I love my family and if people don't see it here then I am very sorry. So not being with my family is just a very hard thing to deal with right now.

  3. Prayers here too, Mary. Next week is the beginning of Advent. It doesn't take much money to make an Advent wreath – just 4 candles and a bit of greenery from the garden. As you light a candle each week, try and think of some of the good things in your life at the moment and offer a prayer of thanks. I know that's easy for me to say as my life is so much easier than yours but just thought it might help.

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