These past few months I have had stress, stress and more stress. So last night going to bed I was laying there in the hot apt and trying to get to the point were I could just go to sleep. Yet, my body really thought it would be a good time just to start crying about anything and every thing. First it was I’m hot, then we moved on to my legs had been hurting. The next thing was I was thinking about my mom and dad. Then it was about my family. Next it was on to I’m not going to get a Mac book because I don’t have the money. I think I stopped around how much I didn’t like were I was in my life right now. So that was the first time I was crying.
Today at work, There was just so much going on and I felt like I was not being heard. I called the work coach a few times. That seemed to keep the tears at bay for most all of the day but at the end of the day. We finally got to talk about what I was feeling and how much I was stressed out. Again the tears just started to come. I told her what was going on at work and how I was not feeling like I was being heard. We also talked about how hard it is to talk to a co-worker that will not communicate to me what she is doing in the morning.
We are suppose to be a team in the morning and it feels like it’s all for one and one for all. Until something goes wrong and then it’s Mary’s problem. I did nothing wrong. But because I am the lead in the morning it came back to me. I had to fix it.
So today I said to my co-worker. (with the help of the work coach the day before) “Today is a new day, with new beginnings, lets try and work on communicating to each other so what happened yesterday will not happen again.”
The thing that I got back was “There was no problems with communication yesterday. I don’t know what you mean.”
Ok, I was not ready for that but I came back with “Well what do you mean you don’t think there was a problem.”
She said “There was no problem with communication yesterday.”
I then said “Well I feel that there was. Can you tell me why you don’t thing there was no problems.”
She said nothing.
I said “Well let me tell you why I feel that there was a problem we didn’t save History.”
Nothing from her.
I then said “If there were no communication problems yesterday I would have not had to do what I had to do”
All I got was OK MARY WHAT EVER.
I felt very mad and I just wanted to walk out the door. But I didn’t. So I tried to do what I was told to do and I was not mean or anything. I just felt like how can you not see that there was something wrong.
The last time I cried today was at an appointment. I just could not hold it in. Again it was just the stress coming out. I think I even got mad at this appointment. So I came home after all of that and slept. So now I’m back to the good old Mary.