I think last year at this time I even wrote about this same thing and Taquoriaan and I were talking about it. We talked about it and I think we were getting some were. I started to get it some what. However, the talking about Holy Week ended. We started to talk about more happy things and other things, like CNMC. It was going to be coming up and we were all happy about it, and life just happened.
Another year has come and gone and I’m still sitting here thinking to myself Easter is suppose to be the best time of all. In my mind why are we so happy that some one had to died for us. Why did he have to give up his own life for me. Why is this so hard for me to understand.
I would not want some one to died for me. Maybe it’s the part of me that doesn’t want anyone to go out of there way to help me. I also have to remember that he did not just do it for me, he did it for all of “us.’
Yet, let’s just keep it on me for right now. I feel like everyone around me gets so happy about this. Most people would be very happy about this time because he gave him self up for us. So that we would have heaven to go to when we died. And how can people be happy about some one who died for us. I just see it very morbid that people get so happy about this.
I can say why he did it for us and I can act happy about it, because that is what I learned at CCD class. Yet, even as a very young kid I just felt very out of place. Is this a bad thing? Am I going to go to Hell for this. am I going to just have to live with this, and just not get it? Some times I am at church because that is what I did when I was a little kid. We would all go to church on Sunday and that was that. In the summer we would go to bible study. I would go to CCD classes, and learn all about the bible. That is just what I did. I never asked about why we did it. I never asked why we believe this way. Now I ask and I look like a bad Catholic.
I do understand that if he didn’t do it we would not have the ability to go to heaven. I know I was told that he is always with us. I do believe that when two people are together he is there, with us. He is able to hold us when we are down. He is able to forgive us when we do something wrong. So I get parts of the bible but holy week is just so hard for me.